Dear Diary,

Empty can be defined as, containing nothing; not filled or occupied, OR lacking meaning or sincerity. To say the least, at this point in my life, empty can much easily be defined as “Donn”. Which is ironic, because you drop the second ‘n’ add an ‘e’ and you have done. Done: to be complete or finished. However, I am nowhere near ‘done’, I am just getting started, but started at what exactly?

My life has always been mapped out in my mind. In fact, I am sure at one point you could have used Waze to navigate through my journey with breeze. Go to school, check. Graduate from High School, check. Apply to an exchange program (Rotary), get accepted, venture to a faraway land, and learn a new language. Check, check, check, and check. Graduate from university and become gainfully employed, check, and let’s give the latter an A for ‘A’ffort. But now? My brain looks like I-285 in Atlanta, during rush hour. Busy, but full of bullshit.

I mean, societally speaking I am doing well. I am in my twenties, I maintain my bills, healthy social life, I am worldly, I have a fairly healthy dating life, and I mean… sex isn’t an issue. So why do I feel so vacant? What is making me feel this way?

About a week or two ago (current date: October 19, 2017), I sent a friend a series of messages. These were voice messages. I would guess 5 or 6, each averaging two minutes in length. This is significant because I rarely voice message this friend (especially this excessively). Although he is one of the closest people to me and our rise to “BESTIES” has been as complicated as it was comical, we are text heavy, and rarely physically ‘voice’ one another. But enough about him, that is a post all within itself.

These messages were me, pouring out my brain and subsequently my heart. No, not about a bae that left me singing a Mary J Blige song and sending “who dah fuck do you think I is?” text. I was however, confiding in him about a love lost. The lost love I had for life. Not in a suicidal way, I am very alive and glad to be, but, I felt unfulfilled. I felt incomplete. I felt unhappy. I felt… EMPTY!

“So where do I go from here?” Was obviously my first thought. I could start an entertainment blog again, maybe I gave up on that too quickly. Then I remembered I gave that up because it became so negative and toxic, while I was on a quest for positivity.

Please note this wasn’t me being lightskin and dramatic about having a few bad days either. I mean, I literally felt like a gapping vagina with an Asian penis in it; empty. Just completely unsatisfied.

I couldn’t finger what had gotten me to that point. Through thinking out loud I remembered listening to a Podcast I hold very close, The Friend Zone (hey Dustin, Assante’ & Fran), earlier that day. The conversation that episode was about reaching your fulfillment and how people go about getting there. What are you willing to sacrifice to get where you want to be? Their guest, discussed how she chose celibacy as her path and made a deal with God that she would give up sex, in exchange for her fulfillment. NOW I am definitely down with G-O-D (yea you know me!), however I like my nuts just as much as a squirrel, we just be catching them differently. So I knew that rout wasn’t for me, but the message she was delivering was still conveyed.

Nonetheless, this got my brain going. This was my trigger. The trigger I needed to send those voicenotes and actually voice what it was that I had been feeling for some time. Although I am a frequent listener of The Friend Zone, I was guided to listen to it at that exact moment, so I could talk to my friend, which ultimately lead me here.

Hi, I am Donn. A 27-year-old, witty, unapologetically sarcastic, sometimes ass hole, who has a big heart, an even bigger mouth and a huge passion for pop culture, writing and all things creative.

It has been a long time since I have placed words to paper. I don’t know where any of this will take me, but it feels good.